![]() (The results of scholarly studies that have investigated workplace drug testing are divided across gender and age group lines, and testing does appear to deter drug use in general.) Instead, the logic used by the lawmakers on hand went roughly like this: the federal government uses drug testing to screen potential and current employees for drug use, which means that any device or product that circumvents said testing-including a fake penis that pees fake pee-is a threat.Īnd not just any threat. I hope they think about that at about 30,000 feet."ĭuring the three-hour hearing, not a single person made the distinction between the use of recreational drugs like marijuana outside of work with using drugs at work. ![]() "The purveyors of these products that sell these products and who have been subpoenaed to appear here today"-those three purveyors, by the way, subsequently pled the Fifth-"should ponder on their flights home how they would feel if their pilot was allowed to operate the aircraft impaired because of the products they sell. "We know many thousands, if not millions, of users of illicit drugs are escaping detection and putting the public at risk," Whitfield said, contradicting the government's own data from the 2003 fiscal year showing that a grand total of 42 out of roughly 200,000 drug tests of current or prospective federal employees were reported as invalid, adulterated, or substituted. The chairman of the subcommittee holding the hearing, Republican Congressman Ed Whitfield of Kentucky-who resigned last year amid an ethics probe regarding "special favors" he gave to his lobbyist wife-kicked things off with fearmongering ripped straight from the D.A.R.E. One of the panelists for the hearing, the aptly named Barry Sample of Quest Diagnostics, a major drug testing company, told VICE Sports that the purpose of the hearing was to explore the possibility of federal legislation to curtail the sale of such drug-testing-evasion products over the internet. Perhaps unsurprisingly, those people worked in the federal government, and, in one of American history's great coincidences, they had already scheduled a congressional hearing on the "Subversion of Drug Testing Programs" for May 17, 2005, just four days after the news of Smith's Whizzinator incident hit the press.Īlthough it was not exclusively about the Whizzinator, the product was mentioned 20 times during the hearing. Meanwhile, the Whizzinator's strange saga was just getting started.įor all of the giggling surrounding the device-of which there was a great deal-some saw it as no laughing matter. ![]() Smith failed an NFL drug test less than a month later, got the suspension, and was later released by the Vikings, effectively ending his professional football career. Merely being caught with the contraption didn't count as a third NFL strike, and league spokesman Greg Aiello helpfully explained to USA Today that pro football's drug tests required that "players be visually observed from the front giving the sample with their shirts off and pants (including underwear) pulled down to their knees, making the effectiveness of (the product) remote."īoth Smith and the fake plastic penis became punch lines in sports columns and on late-night television. Smith claimed the Whizzinator was for his cousin. Smith, who was kicked off the University of Tennessee football team for marijuana use in 2000, already had two substance abuse violations in the NFL for pot a third would mean a full year's suspension. Paul Airport found several vials of dried urine and a Whizzinator among his personal belongings. ![]() On April 21, 2005, security at the Minneapolis-St. If you're already familiar with the device, it is likely because of Smith, a former Minnesota Vikings running back. Given the surprisingly extensive legislative and legal efforts directed against it, you could even say that the Whizzinator endures. Although its marketing copy no longer directly promotes that purpose for legal reasons, the product itself remains largely unchanged. Until 2008, the device was specifically marketed for the purposes of peeing clean on a drug test. Read More: The Drug Won: The Case for Ending the Sports War on Dopingįor the uninitiated, the Whizzinator is an elaborate strap-on penis outfitted with a warmed, external bladder that drug testees fill with either clean or synthetic urine. Enter the Whizzinator, a superlatively ridiculous device briefly made famous by former NFL player Onterrio Smith that operates on an entirely different premise: Rather than work with your existing anatomy, what if you had a new one?
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